For quality control purposes this column may be taped… Well, now that we've got that out of the way, what do you say we fire up the old karaoke machine? The Crooning Commish is at it again, freshly inspired by the Mets taking two of three from the Yanks at Shea. What he's not so inspired about however is the recent play of Mets outfielder Jeromy Burnitz. Let's sing this one to the tune of Taco's 80's remake of the classic tune "Puttin' On The Ritz". And a one, and a two…
All right, so what else is going on these days? How about a 13 player trade between Trader Neil and He Hit The Bull? Yes, I'm sad to announce that Trader Neil is now Rod-less (yikes!) as he has dealt both A-Rod and I-Rod to Chuck and Joe in return for Derek Jeter, Paul LoDuca, Kaz Sasaki and a host of others including every Jewish mother's favorite pitcher, Kansas City Royal's pitcher Jeremy Affeldt "Fish"… See the transaction page for all the gory details of this blockbuster deal which was finalized just before Monday's transaction deadline… Heading over to the majors I see not much happened this past Saturday as Shawn Estes tried to hit Roger Clemens and missed. He freakin' missed! This is a guy who can paint the corner of the plate with a curve ball at will and yet he can't hit the closest thing major league baseball has to the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man? Geez, Louise! Oh well, at least he made the effort… Staying with Clemens, I had a stray thought the other day thinking back to when Clemens plunked Barry Bonds on the elbow two weeks ago. You know if Bonds had decided that Clemens threw at him intentionally and then charged the mound I think we might've seen baseball history get made. Methinks it would've been the first bench clearing brawl in which nobody actually cleared the bench to brawl! Would've been a riot watching those two guys roll around on the mound while their teammates just sat on the bench with no intention of defending either one… Looks like Boston pitcher John Burkett is ready to boycott the All Star Game in Milwaukee to protest Bud Selig's handling of recent labor negotiations. Well, while I think that's a good idea, I would like to point out to Mr. Burkett that in order to boycott the game, you actually have to be good enough to make the game… The New York Mets have hired former Yankees hero Chris Chambliss as their new batting coach. So much for cross town rivalries these days, eh? Or as The Piano Man so succinctly put it; "next thing you know, Bryan Trottier will be coaching the Rangers!" At press time, Florida's Luis Castillo had hit in 31 consecutive games, putting him only 25 games away from Joe DiMaggio's record. Someone want to give this poor guy a break? He's only 55% of the way to the record and he's already getting hounded by the press! That's just a little over half way there folks. What do you say we leave little Luis alone and pick this conversation up sometime around Pete Rose/Eric Show territory? That's 44 games for those of you keeping score at home… Meanwhile, as wildfires continue to burn through the state of Colorado and move closer and closer to Denver, home of the Colorado Rockies, I've only got one thing to say. "Somebody please keep the humidor safe!" Some quick stats hits from the lastest league standings as I see The Brothers Legere (or Les Freres Legere as they're known in Montreal) remain 1-2 in the standings with Brian taking 75 of a possible 80 points in the batting categories and John (hey, that's me, or "c'est moi", en francais) taking 76 of the 80 possible points in the pitching categories. Dominance aside, Brian's got better pitching right now than John has hitting and that's making all the difference right now. Vegas has Brian currently listed at 5 - 2 to take the league title, get those bets down early… Guy Caruso ("Hello, Vandalay Industries!") currently has three, yes count 'em three catchers on his reserve list (Alomar Jr, Meluskey, Fletcher). Add that to the two he already has on his roster and that's way too many catchers for one man! In fact, I'm not sure what's worse for a man, five catchers or five ex-wives? Then again, no one's paying alimony to catchers these days… And finally, as I complete my bonus two-page column we turn to the world of politics as we read that Israel is busy building a fence along it's border with the West Bank. It's said that the fence will be 410 to straight away center, 367 in the power alleys and feature a short right field porch like Yankee Stadium. The wall will also have a "Green Monster" in left, similar to that of Fenway Park. Let's see those suicide bombers jack one over this… And as the band R.E.M. once sang, "It's the end of the world as we know it". I present to you Exhibit A. "Ben Jones, a former congressman who played grease monkey Cooter on TV's "The Dukes of Hazzard," is working in Virginia to jump start a political career that ran off the road 10 years ago in Georgia. Jones, 60, is unopposed for the Democratic nomination to challenge freshman Republican Rep. Eric Cantor this fall. Analysts say he has a tough task ahead of him in the GOP-leaning district." All of got to say is Boss Hogg ain't gonna be happy to hear about this… Well as Dennis Miller says, "that's the news and I am outta here!" 'til next week…
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