In keeping with the "attitude" of the new XFL Football League, The Commish will be stepping aside from his usual weekly News & Notes duties. Writing the weekly column in his place will be Mr. Attitude himself, Kevin "The Staten Island Sniper" Kelly. Read on at your own risk...

Hehehehe……What a fitting end to the inaugural XFL fantasy league….who better to represent the "League of Attitude" other than me??? Outside of Dice and Sam Kinison, I can't think of anyone! Before I gloat…I've got a few riddles……hehehehe. We all know 2 things, A) There probably won't be another XFL season, and B.) the eventual winner of the XFL Million Dollar Game will be the Orlando Rage….so with that assumption, what do the Rage, the N.Y. Mets, and the N.Y. Rangers all have in common??? None of them will ever see a championship again! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now, for the next riddle…How do you give Rikishi an enema??? (Besides beating him for the XFL crown!)…Take Kevin Shanley, pull his stupid fucking hat down real tight over his head, then shine that whole skinny little, q-tip looking body up real nice, turn it sideways, and shove it straight up his ROODIE POO CANDY ASS!!!! If you smell-la-la-la-la…….what the Sniper is cookin!?………..

Getting to the games….in the only one that mattered, My Roodie Poo Candy Asses (7-3) pulled the Butt-Plug on Rikishi's Limo Service (5-4-1) by a final score of 18.5 - 9, giving me the one, (and probably only) Stone Cold XFL Fantasy Football Title…..you can all now get on your knees and bow to the master….ok, that's enough….Joe your face is a little too close to my crotch….back up dammit!! Next, the Tommy Maddox led (cough..cough) Executioners(5-5) got beheaded by the ever loving Honeymooners in Vegas(5-4-1) by a score of 9 - 6 . Not much of a wealth of offensive talent in this league, eh?? John, I want my fuckin' trophy!!…Next, Rob and his merry band of porno stars, the XXXFler's(5-4-1), did a little push-push in the Bush, as they violated John and Brians hair pie squad, The Bushwackers(4-6) by a score of 9-3. Finally, Neil and his Purely bland Energy(4-5-1) team, Show Joe & Chuck the fuckin' door…hehehe….by beating their putrid Show Me The Money(3-7) squad 24.5 -9 .

A few observations…Is it coincidence that my record and that of Chuck & Joe's is exactly the opposite??? I think not….consider in the evolution of the gene pool they got left behind….oops…so sorry…tata…too bad….fuck off….they are merely amoeba compared to my advanced intellectual being….Ooops, sorry for that difficult word Joe…let me tell you what it means…nah…On second thought…get a fuckin' dictionary!!! (John, this is your conscience talking….go and get Kevin that nice XFL ball from Modell's as the XFL trohpy). Next observation, for my good friends Chuck & Joe…..you want me to Show you something??? After I show you me league trophy….I'll show you my *$&#@($^ (come on, this is a family column you didn't think I was really gonna say "my dick" did you?)

John, I want my fucking trophy now!! And I don't want that cheapo imitation ball, I want the official leather Spalding one….and NO, I wont pick it up for you!!!! I mean for Gods sake man, it will be a collectors item!!! Well all, that's about all I've got time for…It was nice beating all of you…thanks for the trophy, thanks for the opportunity to bash everyone incessantly……I now hand over the reigns back to The Commish for his weekly column duties for baseball, and I'm gonna get back to work on my Staten Island Sniper columns….Thanks everyone!! I'd say see you next year….but somehow I think next year they will talk about this league in past tense!!!